Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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