I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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