Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
