I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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