You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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