my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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