Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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