I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
