I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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