Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
