Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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