At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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