we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
