I am puke
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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