Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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