Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
