I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
