Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I want a musical about memes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
