Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
