My hand turned me down
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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