I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
