u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
