Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
