dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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