I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Randomize
