Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
