In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
