his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
