she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
