no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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