Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
