I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
