ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
