Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
