I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
