Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm getting married
To pizza
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
