I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
