She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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