Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
