I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
