I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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