im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
