I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
