New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
