Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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