I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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