My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
