margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
