My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
