pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
