turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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