Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize