On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nicole vs. Life
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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