I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize
