Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
