I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
