I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
