His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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