This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
