so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fill condoms, not promises.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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