question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
