Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
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im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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