Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
