Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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