Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
