Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
