So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
