It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
