I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
