Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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