the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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