Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
